"...the stubborn souls are the losers here tonight..."

I find myself pretty perceptive about most things. I can sit in a room full of people and I can (with a little observation) start piecing together certain traits of a person's personality and use that to better understand them as a person. By the way, I used three forms of the word person in that last sentence... enjoy. Usually it's this awesome thing that helps me be a little more insightful with friends than I might have before been. All that is to say...

I hurt a friend these past few weeks. I had no idea this was happening, because I was too focused on me and on my intentions. Even if I am perceptive, at my very core I am overwhelmingly self-centered and it was easy the past few weeks to not notice and not care because I simply allowed my own wants to come before.

Never have I been this blown away by my own short-sightedness. I had to write about it, while it's still in my mind, so that I can come back and remember. A few days before, I was neatly putting into a mental box my feelings on things, and I put my friend into a box with everything else, without wondering or asking if I might actually be wrong or lacking persepective.

It seems like there is hurt around me, and people are struggling to find their place. I know I am from time to time. My battle lately has been to trust that people I care about actually care about me as well. That seems so pathetic and obvious, but it's been my deepest fear and source of distrust for as long as I've known it exists. Honestly, I don't know what God intends for me with my friends here exactly, but I am pretty certain it was to be better than I have been lately. Even the people that enjoy my company, whether they know it or not, I've probably been a less than adequate influence.

I'm still sitting here blown away. God is good to me, even when He has to break my heart to grow it back into something better. I can do nothing but give Him praise, because He has never turned His back. But right now, I feel pretty foolish in spite of myself.