"...if I only had a way..."

I've been thinking of what to say to you,
But I haven't found the words yet to use.
And this may very well be out of our control,
But I can't stand to see you with your heart so exposed.

If I could swallow it all and take it from you now,
I'd drink this poisonous noose somehow.
If I only had a way...
If I only had a way...

I've been thinking of what to say to you,
But I haven't found the words yet to use.
I'm sorry for my silence but I'm praying for a way,
To empty out your sadness and hang your pain

Oh my love, be strong don't let your heart be afraid,
Because I will always be here for you.
I will always be here for you.

If I could swallow it all and take it from you now,
I'd drink this poisonous noose somehow.
If I only had a way...
If I only had a way...
If I only had a way...

-Timmy Curran

"...tell the world that Jesus lives..."

Think about the worst person you've ever come into contact with. That could mean many things. It could be the meanest person you've ever been around. The nastiest person, the most sexually immoral, the most deceptive, the coldest-hearted person, it could truly be anyone. Think about that person, and then think about this: God will forgive them in a moment. From the holiest follower of Christ, to the lowest sinner who thinks of nothing but sin, they are able to be saved just the same.

It leads me to think... if everyone can be saved equally and saved as completely by the same grace from Jesus, then what is the point of living a life of holiness and a life that seeks the will of God? The answer is simple. It is that we are to now spend our efforts reaching out to those around us who are lost as we used to be. To see a friend or an acquaintance that is a non-believer and assume that someone else will witness to them denies them the same grace that someone showed you and I. That grace that led a pastor, a friend, a family member to swallow hard, and boldly share Christ with you.

Christ did not come to Earth to hang out with his fellow goodie goodies. He came for the people in darkness. What good is a church if it simply remains in its walls, the members looking at each other, patting themselves on the back for how great their Christian walk is if there are those out there that simply have no idea what any of this mess on Earth means? What good am I if I am not taking the things I've learned and the miracles I've experienced and not used them as signs of hope for someone even more lost than I? To answer both questions, there is no good. We are just treading water, watching the other floundering swimmers in the water die slowly.

People who do not believe in God or know Jesus personally will all experience the same thing eventually. Things don't make sense, people don't make sense, the friends we have let us down, things that seemed so normal fall apart so fast. What seperates Christ followers from others is that there is a rhyme and reason because when traced back, even the bad things in life lead to amazing results. In Christ, there is no sad ending, there is no tragic losses. It is only eventual joy. Those who choose to not believe can certainly do so, but they risk the chance of knowing real peace to know what it's like to be eternally saved by a loving God. A God that will never leave you, never betray you and never leave you feeling hopeless.

It's never too late to leave the darkness. It's never too late to be given hope.

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"...the only living boy in New York..."

One day I decided that the world I was living in wasn't where I needed to be. So I packed all I had together, and with a close friend drove up to a new place with absolutely no promise of a future. That friend returned home soon after, and I remained to the will God laid out for me. Here's what we know so far:

1) Washington isn't the depressing death trap that people who don't live in Washington told me it would be. Honestly, I've been more exhilarated here by the environment and scenery than almost any time in San Diego. Point for Washington.

2) People here cannot drive. Seriously, it's now a personal running inside joke (how sad is that? I have an inside joke with myself) that every time I am on the 5 around Tacoma, there will be traffic because someone plowed into the car in front of them. They seriously drive 20 mph slower than in California and get in 20 times the accidents. My friend Tom has remarked that he can't wait until I get in an accident so I can stop complaining about this. Thanks, Tom.

3) Rain can be the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. People here in WA probably have lost this, but I have found myself just sitting and watching the rain for long stretches of time. Easily one of the most peaceful things to do and brings a calm I never felt in California. Plus rain kind of demands calm since there's not much else to do but channel that lost little boy inside of me. Wait, the lost little boy inside of me would be wanting to play Nintendo. Moving on..

4) This place is "Scene Central" for musicians. San Diego gets artists but not many since it's not an incredibly well-known hot bed for music acts. But Seattle, gets some amazing artists passing through. Almost daily I bemoan the artists I see coming through because I have strange phobias about concert attending alone and I'm not quite chummy enough with people here to randomly ask to go see a show with me. As that changes, I can't wait to get plugged into the music scene here..incredible.

5) Weight lifting builds muscle. This really isn't exclusive to Washington, but for the first time ever, I'm lifting weights regularly and I actually have muscle now! It's kind of fun despite being sore in places I didn't even know had muscle. I've used not having AMAZING taco stands around me (more on this in a moment) on every block to get much healthier and fitter. We're getting a basketball hoop at my house this week and it will be glorious to finally play my favorite sport again (when it's not raining, let's work on that WA climate).

6) Bad Mexican food means I don't eat as much of my most favorite choice of food ever. No offense to the locals, but besides Tacos Guyamas, there has been nada (1 of 6 words in Spanish I think I know) that compares to the culinary perfection that is Cotijas and Santanas. Even the nicer restaurants are really bad. They try to cover it up with dumping a pound of cheese on the plate to make it look good. I caught on early and have avoided second trips to most places around here. If you know a place..

7) God is alive and well in my heart. So funny that in one of the most secular states in the country, I've been experiencing Christ in ways that I never have before. I am attending a vibrant church in Gig Harbor that has a great pastor and amazing worship leaders, and a young adult group called "Restitution" on Tuesday nights in downtown Tacoma with equally great preaching and music. God has been talking to me more than ever here and has put people here in my life that are really concerned with where my heart needs to be and where I can go from here. I can only hope that it goes up from here.

I can't deny it's been a very tough journey so far. I've had stretches where it seems like I'll never fit in and days where I felt like I've lived here all my life. It's been an ebb and flow for me and a constant struggle to maintain my optimism and my peace of mind. A friend of mine here and I have been doing a Bible study on the book of James and I've taken James 1:2-4 to be my constant reminder for when I feel like it's too much of a struggle for me to handle. And just because I'm modern and amazing, we're going to quote this Message style.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way.

That's all for now. To everyone in San Diego, I've missed you very much and I can't wait to see you again.