I'm voting for Sarah Palin... and only Sarah Palin.

Is it possible to vote to vote for just the vice president and that's it?  Can I skip John McCain altogether?

If so, I'm voting for Sarah Palin... for Vice-President.  That seems to be the best way to rectify this situation.  I can't decide between voting for the cultish movement that is Barrack Obama or the contradictory conservatism that is John McCain.

I tried flipping a coin, but it landed on it's side.  I played rock-paper-scissors against myself, but because my motor skills lack, I kept ending in ties.  Even the magic 8 ball kept saying "I'm as confused as you."  There seemed to be no way out of this maelstrom.  But then I saw her... Sarah... wait, can I call you Sarah?  No matter.  Sarah Palin.  The first politician who drew me in enough to make me watch a whole speech in quite a while.

Don't get me wrong, Obama is a fabulous speaker.  He is the Democrat Reagan they've been looking for since, well... Reagan, and I've been moved by his rhetoric.  But as my friend Dan once told me (ok, tonight), Obama sounds like he's running for middle-school president more than real life adult US President.  Don't get offended, I'm not worth getting upset over.  But it's sort of true in my eyes.

"Mr. Obama, if you become president, what can we expect to find in terms of improvements in the lunch menu and/or assorted food item machines around the campus?"

"That is the question that a hard-working American needs answering.  I hear that you want change!  How do Hot Pockets sound?  (applause)  Do you like pepperoni?  (applause)  Ham and cheese? (applause)  Lean Pockets? (dead silence)... Meatball?  (thunderous applause)"

But that is to say that I can't really deal well with McCain either.  The man sounds like he's never stepped into a bank.  You can almost see him going over an Obama speech and saying to his aids, "Ok, we'll just say the opposite of this, we'll say this as well, but make it sound like he hates this... Oh, I like energy stuff too!"  Again, don't get angry.  I'm just one guy who grew up in the mean suburban streets of Redlands, CA.  McCain is solid on foreign policy, no doubt.  Anyone who challenges him is subject to watching the hours of home video footage he has of his capture back in Vietnam.  But still... I worry that the man will keel over in office.  We haven't had that since medicine consisted of leeches, routine amputations and the use of whiskey as a anesthesia.

Where was I?

Oh yes.

Sarah Palin!

This woman has the most intriguing past of any candidate I've encountered in a while.  I rarely hear a story I care about because they usually start and end the same.  Born into privilege, raised in privilege, elected President.  Rinse.  Repeat.  This woman was mayor a town less than 10,000 people THREE YEARS AGO?  Are you kidding me?  I love it!  A lifetime member of the NRA?  Sign me up!  Husband is a member of a huge steel union?  YES!  I'm eating all of this up?  Former finalist for Miss Alaska?  Where were you on that, Hilary?  Great stuff.

Politics aside, how is that not a great story?  Soccer mom turned mayor turned governor turned possible vice-president.

I know what you're saying.  "Britton... she has no experience in foreign policy.  She has no experience in dealing with people who don't fish for salmon.  She has no experience looking into Barrack Obama's eyes and getting lost in them.  She has no experience governing a population with working electricity."

I hear all of that.  And you might be right.  She might not even agree with me in politics.

But golly gee, for the first time, I'm actually intrigued about this election.

Thank you, Sarah.  From all of us here at the blog to you... thank you.

OLYMPIC FEVER! CATCH IT!

I'll throw this out there and I won't even cringe as I do it.  I dig gymnastics.  I dig swimming.  Team handball might be one of the best sports ever to watch.  The Olympics are so wonderful.  I have quite a few friends who have played the "too cool" card when it comes to watching the Games, but I love it all.   Even if it means watching the same bloody lame commercials 10 times in a night but not yet once seeing my former role model Shannon Miller's Claritin commercial that everyone is raving... never mind.  I'm fine.

Let's run down my love in ranked form, from 5 to 1.

5.  Niche announcers - Seriously, that guy who is RAVING about how Mariel Zagunis is the best in the world at finding openings to exploit after setting up her opponent with a left-right-left parry tactic... what does he do the other four years?  Have you ever seen fencing on TV outside of the Olympics?  The best part is the announcers sound so polished, like there is a pro fencing league they do games for all the time.  Awesome.  The best are the announcers who used to be in the sport they're calling, and every event somehow links to their gutsy performance in the '76 Montreal Games.  And the best part is that it was always just a little tougher back then in Montreal.  The heck with that.  I've BEEN to Montreal.  If it was harder, it was because everyone was trying to leave.  Fight me, Montreal... I'm daring you.

Sorry...

4.  Fluff pieces - I guarantee you that you've never heard as much soft piano on your television as you do when you sit down for a three hour session watching the Games.  If the competition isn't enough, NBC is right there to show you just how human these super-humans are.  It wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't use the glaucoma lighting around the edges of the athletes during the interview.  Nothing is so hateful to NBC as a successful athlete without a shattered, broken past.  If they create a sport called "Eastern European Bashing While Watching the Olympics", I'll give the networks the broken past they've dreamed about.  Even if none of what I tell them is true.

3.  Gymnastics - Let's put our cards out on the table.  In 1996, I was a HUGE Magnificent 7 fan.  As Shannon, Amy and the Dominiques fought and clawed and slapped their way to Olympic gold, it was Kerry Strug who right in front of me in the Georgia Dome, had one of the gutsiest performances I've ever seen on the world stage.  She landed off the vault on one freaking foot!  Hideous voice aside, that's unbelievable.  And it hooked me.  As we speak, I'm watching the Chinese take another shot at democracy by brushing aside the Americans in the men's team finals.  But know this China, we'll be back... shorter, buffer and more flexible than ever (butt slap).

2.  The Opening Ceremony - Every four years, it really is a game of "Can you top this?"  This year was a great example.  I'm pretty sure the head of the London Olympic Committee took one look at the Chinese opening ceremony and curled into the fetal position.  It was at this moment that he realized that the British.. are simply not  a visually creative people.  But I digress.  The procession of athletes is great, especially when most of Zimbabwe's team is white.  Go figure.

1a.  Niche sports - Where else are you going to see a sport called "trampoline"?  What about "flatwater canoeing", "synchronized diving" and "Womens pistols"?  It's just awesome to see such off the radar sport taking place that people all over the world have committed years of their life to perfecting (how two guys wake up and one day say they want to learn to dive in complete synchronicity is beyond my realm of understanding).  How about this for Olympic trivia?  Did you know that "tug of war" was a sports for YEARS in the Olympics?  How about roller hockey making an attempt to be a sport in 1992 or bowling in 1998?  My personal favorite was the event "surf livesaving".  Baywatch was simply 100 years behind the times.  As if it wasn't already.

1.  National pride - I don't care who you are or how cynical you are of your government or country as a whole, it is hard, nay impossible to watch the Olympics for long and not start to feel a little bit of that good old-fashioned turn-of-the-century nationalism start to well up in you.  I've been fully behind guys like Michael Phelps and I'm learning names that I'm cheering for out loud as if I've been going to their meets for years (go Jonathan Horton, go!).  The Olympic Games do that to you.  Because this is such an unbiased - usually- place to see people from around the world compete, it takes an air all of it's own.  I love watching it with friends because nationalism breeds nationalism (see War I, World) and you start blabbering about kids in their early 20's doing the most amazing thing you've ever seen.  It's my most favorite part of the Games. At some point, someone from my country is going to make my proud to be an American.  And make me hate the Russians just a little more.  Kidding!  (Not really, get out of Georgia).

So there it is.  Whoomp, there it is for that matter.  If you've been shrugging off the Games (Dan Miller, et al.), check them out.  You're sure to get sucked in.  Unless it's wrestling.  For the life of me, I still can't figure that crap out.  You've been great.